(no subject)

[besubversive]

It takes too much energy to write why shit between my dad and my brother is making a sad, hard situation even sadder and harder. So I'm posting the email I sent my mom this morning as soon as I got to work.

(Shelly is my step-mom, by the way. For those of you who may not have been reading long enough to know that. And Betsy is my principal. And the traveling I speak of is from here to North Carolina.)


Hey Mom,

I wanted to ask you how things went this morning with JD. How is he? Did he mention anything about wanting to go down for the funeral?

After we talked last night, Shelly called me and wanted me to make all these decisions immediately. They are driving down tomorrow morning. Dad apparently wants JD to come, but is relying on telling Shelly to tell me to tell JD... the whole chain of communication is really silly and I think if Dad wants to know anything from JD, he should ask him directly. In fact, I think it is stupidly righteous and selfish that Dad doesn't put all that on the back burner for the purpose of rallying as a family.

Anyway, I'm working off the assumption that JD won't want to go. It's going to be highly uncomfortable, especially since Dad apparently has the idea that if we all four go, we'll stay in one hotel room. Shelly, on the phone, said she'd probably foot the bill for a second room if JD does decide to come, however. They still don't know when the services will be, but they are assuming that it will be Friday, like I said yesterday. I haven't talked to Betsy yet, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be tough to take Thursday off as well. Honestly, what I think I may do is drive down tomorrow immediately after work. Gas both ways is probably going to run about $100 altogether. If JD wants to come, and brave weird emotional waters as well as risk missing work, he is welcome to come with me. I'd like that and I'm sure at least our extended family would be glad to see him. At the same time, I understand if he'd rather not. And on top of that, he hasn't exactly made obvious leaps in a more grown-up direction, so it may not be the wisest to be seen now. The purple hair is only going to aggravate any conversations where Dad is surely going to ask JD what improvements he's been trying to make in his life.

So, I'm upset right now, because I have to be the hub of all this JD stuff. Or maybe I don't, but it feels like it. And I'm freaking out about what is right for me to do and right for JD to do, and then freaking out about who is going to feel or say what if one or the other of us doesn't go or doesn't comply with already-in-place travel plans.

Love you,
Sis

Comments

[blessedjess.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that your family pressures are wearing on you. On a up note though, I see that you signed your email "Sis", is that what your Mom calls you?? I like that, my grandmom does that with my dad and his siblings (sis and brother) and I think it's old fashioned and cool.

[barbasol.livejournal.com]

my grandmother's nickname is sis and so is my sisters. i agree that it is old fashioned and cool. they havent come around to calling me "brother" yet. ;)

[besubversive.livejournal.com]

I'll call you brother!

[besubversive.livejournal.com]

Well, when my brother was little, he called me Sis and Sissy. And my parents called us by what we called eachother, so the name stuck for them, too.

Actually, my mom exclusively calls me Sis. If she's calling me Jackie, it means we're having a disagreement, I think.

[barbasol.livejournal.com]

jackie, like i told you last night. if JD ends up going and you feel terrible, i will drive up there and spend time with you. i will even go to the funeral. just let me know, k? kissy!

[besubversive.livejournal.com]

I'munna email you.