Err.

[besubversive]

Today, and for about the 4th time this semester, someone stopped me and asked, "Are you losing weight?"

I would like to note that all of the people who have asked or insisted about my slimming down, with the exception of Drew, followed it up with, "Yeah! I think you are! It looks good! Congratulations!" I appreciate that these people want to give me a compliment, and I will never gripe at anyone who goes out of their way to do something they think is nice, but honestly... don't assume I want to lose weight.

This reminds me of when I was working at Fasion Bug. This woman came in once, looking for an outfit to wear for a party. She was painfully thin and emaciated and told me a story about how she had been really curvy once, until some still-undiagnosed illness had attacked her body. Within six months, both fat and muscle had just fallen off at alarming rates, leaving her fragile and unable to find clothes that wouldn't make her look like a bag full of pointy objects. Her eyes were desperate and hungry and she nearly started crying in the store. She left empty handed.

The point of this story, folks, is that you can't assume that all weight loss is positive or even welcome.

And for the record, I don't think I'm losing weight. To the woman who remarked at my perceived dropping of pounds today, I must say this: It's called "I'm wearing a black tunic that visually lengthens and slims my torso." But thank you, I think, anyway.

Comments

[galorious.livejournal.com]

An acquaintance of mine once stopped evan right after he'd been released from the hospital where he'd been admitted for severe food poisoning and complimented his weight loss. When he actually said, "Um, I had food poisoning." She actually responded with, "Well, it looks good on you!"

WTF?

[keltikdrag0nfly.livejournal.com]

*cringes* Poor guy.

[besubversive.livejournal.com]

"Deathly ill looks good on you." Like, ugh.

[keltikdrag0nfly.livejournal.com]

I'm totally with you on this. I feel violated when people compliment me on weight loss, whether real or imagined, like they're digging their claws into the sacred territory which is my body. I do not exist for the aethstetic enjoyment of others; I have worked hard to be content with myself, and that contentment is so fragile. I'd rather be complimented for being beautiful the way that I am.

[apis-mellifera.livejournal.com]

I do not exist for the aethstetic enjoyment of others

I am so stealing that phrase.

[keltikdrag0nfly.livejournal.com]

I feel flattered. ^_^

Your username sounds familiar to me... Were you at some point involved in a community regarding an extremely unpleasant rat breeder, by any chance?

[apis-mellifera.livejournal.com]

Indeed I was. I seem to have lost track of said unpleasant rat breeder, alas. She was always good for a giggle or two. ;)

[keltikdrag0nfly.livejournal.com]

Haha... She managed to alienate everyone in the local rat community here. She was actually threatening to call the FBI on some very nice, middle-aged ladies who weren't involved in anything that happened on lj. It was pretty ridiculous.

I believe she's back on livejournal, using the name "midnightjoyride."

[besubversive.livejournal.com]

Well said, darling. Bravo.

[keltikdrag0nfly.livejournal.com]

Thanks. ^_^

[-hjarta.livejournal.com]

i can relate for sure. it's one thing to say "have you been losing weight?" and another to assume that it's a good thing. my roommate from last year has an eating disorder, and i myself have been complimented in the past for having lost weight... but no one knew that it was because i hated myself, and not out of anything positive! very frustrating.

and whatever, you're beautiful anyway.

[besubversive.livejournal.com]

Right? People have such skewed concepts of bodies.

Thank you... you're a darling gorgeous girl, yourself.

[strph.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes. At the end of 2003 and beginning of 2004 when I was grieving a failed relationship and working a back-breaking job I lost a bunch of weight. I wasn't really hungry because I was so miserable so the weight just fell off, maybe 20-30 pounds (I don't know because I seldom weigh myself), and my mom, and others, acted like I was the new princess of the world, like I was achieving my goals, like I had my eye on the prize. Worst of all, when my mom introduced me to people and tried to think of something nice to say, she would often bring up my weight loss with these strangers like she expected me to get a round of applause!

And sorta like the guy with food poisoning, I'd often say to people uncomfortably, "Um, it's because I've been under a lot of stress and I just haven't felt like eating," thinking, It's because I'm in a severe depressive state and that's one of the symptoms. Clue in.

I mean, sure, I worry that I'm getting diabetes, etc., so I personally wouldn't mind losing a little bit of weight if it were part of a trend toward better overall health, but that's a private goal, and I wish people wouldn't assume that it's my personal goal in life to be thin.