a moment of crumbling

[besubversive]

"I dream about the utensils,
I dream about the cats,
I dream about perfection that is everlasting and far reaching.
When I am lonely I remember the way you smelled,
And the way you clung to me before you left.
You are inspiration,
You are salvation.

My heart beats in time with yours from miles and miles away
And when I see you again I will cover your skin in mine.
We will remember what it is to have boundless security
We will drown in the rhythm of arching backs
And stroking fingers
And human against human contact that is the closest to heaven that we know." - excerpt from a poem he wrote about us on 8/28/04

::sigh:: Why do I do these things to myself? In my defense, I didn't mean to find this; I had it saved on AOL and I was looking for an email I had saved with someone's address. Why is everything he ever wrote about us lasting and being perfectly happy and building a life together such a slap in the face now?

Comments

[devilssnare85.livejournal.com]

It's a slap in the face because it wasn't perfect and everlasting...If you need tips on how to be a bitter bitch just ask :o)

[-hjarta.livejournal.com]

HAHA OH YES.
I am going through the same thing right now. Completely fucking bitter.

Boooo

[sirvalentine.livejournal.com]

The man has no balls..The man needs to not be a fuckin dick eater and be a man..The man who lets his love leave..for some pussy nonetheless..doesnt deserve the love...You fight for the women in your life...You do not trade them like cards...And yes I know I am the most eloquent of them all...

Jackiepants.. Stop beating yourself up of that ridiculous excuse for a man..your fuckin hot...smart..talented..funny..and you can knit your ass off...go out there and get yourself a new hottie!!

P.S easier said than done..call me when you feel like you just want someone to listen

Re: Boooo

[besubversive.livejournal.com]

You make me feel so good, Funky Drewster. Thanks. :)

Re: Boooo

[ex-diverge914.livejournal.com]

While noting that I am a definitely a friend of Jackie, I feel the need to step in, as a friend of Trent's, and say that it is extremely unnecessary for you to say such things towards Trent as being "a fuckin dick eater" or a "ridiculous excuse for a man." Those statements are very homophobic, sexist, and don't do anyone any good.

I hope I'm not stepping out of line here, Jackie, as you know that I feel for you and hate to see you in pain. I just don't think such things need to be said...

Re: Boooo

[besubversive.livejournal.com]

I don't think you're stepping out of line, darling, but I have to make it known that a few of Drew's favorite people (including his boyfriend) are "dick eaters." I thought it was a strange thing to say, too, so I called him on it earlier and he said that he didn't mean it in the literal sense... I also find fault with the phrase "be a man," but you can't preach to everyone all the time.

In another person's position, I would probably be asking insults to be kept off my entries unless I'm the one making them. In this case, however, one of my best friends is trying to give me a bit of the "he-didn't-deserve-you-anyway" treatment, and I think that's okay.

[ex-diverge914.livejournal.com]

I figured you had your reasons for not touching his comments, but I couldn't allow myself not to.

Re: Boooo

[sirvalentine.livejournal.com]

Okay, normally I wouldnt respond to this because I generally dont give a shit what people think but its 2005 and maybe Im becoming less of an asshole or something I dont know....
But anyway..

First of all, Trent needs to be a man and what that means is, he needs to take responsibility for all of his actions, and the way he broke it off with Jackie (or didnt for that matter) wasnt very responsible and it seems like he doesnt care that he hurt her. Im a man, who Identifies as a faggot, and I dont give a shit how homophobic or sexist you think my comments are, I could have easily called Trent a poor excuse for a human being, but Its just not my style and It wouldnt have hit as hard. Being a man I dont care what anyone says, even its just identifying as one and not living as one takes alot of responsibility and stregnth, and when I see someone not understanding that It pisses me off.

Also Trent dated jackie after I told him it would hurt me, and I told him he needed to take care of her if he was going to be with her, and he didnt. He is both a ridiculous excuse for a man and a human being.

P.S a dick eater is not someone who sucks dick.

Re: Pay Attention class.

[besubversive.livejournal.com]

This, after lecturing me through AIM, and bothering me about reading your journal... which I haven't done since. Would you please leave me alone? You are self-righteous beyond compare. When someone hurts a friend of yours, do you go to the person who hurt them and ask for their side of the story before attempting to comfort the friend who is hurting? Don't bother to answer, just go away.

Re: Boooo

[ex-diverge914.livejournal.com]

Utilizing "be a man" in the way you did, whatever your intentions, is stupid and wrong. There is no one characteristic that makes someone a man or not a man, and putting forth a quality you deem positive for "a man" makes it seem that it would lack in anyone who wasn't "a man," regardless of whether they were trying to be or not.

If you feel what Trenton does was wrong, it would be best to attack the behavior and not his gender or sexuality. I know you think that it was okay in this setting, but I disagree. It only furthers that which oppresses you and the rest of us.

Allow me to point out, as well, that I am not attacking how you live up to my standards of gender (for one, because I have none) but your behavior, because I feel that matters more.

Re: Boooo

[sirvalentine.livejournal.com]

"Utilizing "be a man" in the way you did, whatever your intentions, is stupid and wrong. There is no one characteristic that makes someone a man or not a man, and putting forth a quality you deem positive for "a man" makes it seem that it would lack in anyone who wasn't "a man," regardless of whether they were trying to be or not."

OK I never said Trenton was or wasnt a man, and If you interpreted it that way than you are in the wrong, I wasnt attacking his gender or sexuality. However, if you want to go through this world pretending that identifying as a man doesnt come with certain responsibilities than go ahead and be that blind.

There isnt one way to be a man and I never said that there was, but even if you dont want to face it there are differences between men and women, and Im not talking about bodies. Because if there was no mental, social, and behavioral difference it would be kinda silly to transition dont you think. How about I say instead of be a man since you dont like that so much how about this, Trentons behavior made him look like he didnt much care about someone he once claimed to love, that in itself is wrong. And as a second half of a relationship he didnt take care of his responsibility.

I am not responding anymore in Jackies journal, if you feel like this is an important conversation to continue do it in my journal. And im not just talking about Trenton and Jackie.

[vierge-en-trop.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
I'm sorry things are icky.

[besubversive.livejournal.com]

Thanks, dollface.

[wondernugget.livejournal.com]

"maybe i should tell you to keep your head up and follow through. good things will come to you. i could worry my self to death about you. i hope you get there safely." - hot rod circuit

[besubversive.livejournal.com]

Oh, Jacy. You always have the right lyrics, don't you?

[wondernugget.livejournal.com]

you know it! [ginormo grin]

[wondernugget.livejournal.com]

as alkaline trio says - "all of my favorite singers have stolen all of my best lines."