besubversive: (i like processing.  word processing.)
2017-06-27 08:14 am

Forgotten Entry

I wrote the following entry a month ago and forgot to post it. It's not 100% accurate to how I feel at the moment, but it's an important snapshot of first feelings on the subject.


So, we've been discussing an approach and a timeline for coming out to certain people about being poly. Most of our Portland friends and some of our coworkers already know. The main reasons for letting anyone else in on this knowledge are as follows:

1) Keeping non-monogamy a secret makes it seem like we KNOW we're doing something wrong or shameful, when it's an informed choice that all parties have agreed to. We need to ditch the stigma and legitimize our other partnerships. (This will mean a lot to Treasure, and will probably mean next to nothing to Brian, who doesn't seem to be interested in the social conventions of sharing much about his relationships in public forums.) We are also nervous that someone will pick up on something via social media or see us out with out other partners and jump to the conclusion that one of us is cheating on the other.

2) I would like to be able to talk to other people about our experiences with non-monogamy. Right now, I can talk to Drew about Brian, I can talk to Brian about Drew (but don't really, as Brian doesn't really ask questions about other aspects of my life that don't include him or his interests), and I can vent about things on this semi-private platform. Also, I know one other poly couple well enough to talk about relationship stuff. And more recently, I've talked about it with a friend I'm getting closer to. But mainly I want to he able to call my mom when I'm stressing, or even when I'm just happy and excited about some new development.

Any other reasons I can think of seem to fall under those two main categories.

Concerns or roadblocks include the fact that I don't want anyone in our immediate families to think that this means Drew and I are LESS serious or committed or in love with one another. I don't want them to think it invalidates our marriage or our relationship. Some of the approval of our union was hard won, with various family members debating how real or right our marriage was because of queer stuff or trans stuff or interracial stuff.

I'm hesitant to introduce more worry into my mom's already anxious mind.

Telling people also seems to solidify the end of an era, which I find myself mourning sometimes. The era of Jackie and Drew against the world.