besubversive: (lucille ball *gasp*)
It's coming, again.

18 inches on top of 24 inches... is just too many inches.

I'm seeing Marc Cohn and Suzanne Vega tomorrow evening, but not if there's a state of emergency in effect. Boo.
besubversive: (serious little girl)
Turkey (backyard cat) invited herself in when we took some trash out earlier. We were so tickled at her audacity that we gave her rubs and scratches in the kitchen and let her roam around a bit on the first floor, sniffing and meowing. I get the feeling that Turkey is going to become OUR kitty by the time spring rolls around. If she can get used to being an inside-only cat, it might work out.



I'm really sad about Elliott. It definitely feels like the point of no return has been reached and passed, done and gone. We were more than close. He was my psychic twin in some ways, and I his. We never had to explain things we said or thought to one another. We were two halves of a brain, or maybe a heart. It's not that I don't think I won't ever be happy again. I'm just fairly convinced that it's the end of a certain brand of incomparable joy, a constant interpersonal revelry. Anyway, I just feel all gray about the whole thing.
besubversive: (i like processing.  word processing.)
Background: Elliott and I got matching tattoos a year and a half ago, pretty much as a testament to our friendship. You might remember, they were the campaign button for Dr. Wilbur Daffodil-11 Swain in the Vonnegut novel Slapstick. "Lonesome No More," it says.

Today: There's another drawing in Slapstick where the button has been modified to say, "Lonesome, Thank God!" And now, a month or so after our EPIC falling out, Elliott has that button as his picture on myspace. (It's hard not to look.) I don't think I can even convey the terrible feeling that gives me.
besubversive: (freaky)
Daily Magic:

The sign outside a car dealership that said simply: "EVERYONE IS APPROVED." It put me at ease.

Also, I think my dad is considering getting me mandolin lessons for my birthday. A dream come true! I suppose this means I need to learn to read music.
besubversive: (takin' a memo)
Main goal for 2010:

Live life so it doesn't feel like a holding pattern.
besubversive: (on the phone)
I think I've alluded here to ups and down between Elliott (former best friend) and me over the past couple of years. I thought it would all get ironed out in the end, but something really terrible happened between us when he was here to visit last month. It cemented in my mind that our friendship was less than healthy, which is an awful thing to admit when the very same frienship was something I found really wonderful and sustaining during the times that it went smoothly.

Surely, all relationships take work. Just not THAT much work, I think.

So, I find myself in the familiar position of suffering from a lack of friends. Drew has some very good friends nearby, and they have been wonderful to me since we started dating. However, I've learned over time and through failed partnerings that it is wise to have pals that were yours first. Admittedly, I've not been very good at making and keeping friends up to this point. My main problem has probably been keeping up a steady volley of communication. I've been lax returning phone calls, tardy with email. Easily distracted is a way I would characterize past versions of myself. Life getting in the way and all that. The exception to my carelessness was Elliott, likely because I felt he was the basket in which I could safely place all eggs. He very clearly needed me in the beginning, and there was that fluctuating, yet ever-present romantic aspect of our relationship.

That romantic aspect is something I plan to avoid in potential future friendships. I tried this past summer to make friends with a girl who lives a bit south of here, and in the end had to reject some awkward sexual advances, despite many declarations of my (relative) heterosexuality.

Everyone else I know is over 45.




Dear Delaware,

If you can find a way to cross my path with the paths of fun, smart, like-minded folks who do not want to sleep with me and are somewhat close to my age, I'll do the rest, I promise.

Sincerely,
Lonesome
besubversive: (freaky)
Comic Strip Idea:

A buffet-style restaurant. Above a cluster of 8 or 10 buffet fixtures, a sign above that says "All-You-CAN-Eat: $6.99." One the other side of the restaurant, a lone buffet fixture with a sign above saying, "All-You-SHOULD-Eat: $5.99." Two people with empty trays stand between and one is looking toward the larger buffet and saying something about, "I don't know. It just seems like the better deal."

Anyway, me and Drew are cleaning today. I put away all the Christmas stuff and I'm taking the tree tomorrow to be mulched. In the spring, we'll be able to get a free yard of mulch that way. Drew's making breakfast. Sweet potato latkes, eggs-your-way, and bacon! We're playing a game, too, where we try to guess what year R&B songs came out as they play on Comcast's Music Choice station. I am losing!
besubversive: (nancy drew fireworks)
Despite the guaranteed stress of shuttling back and forth between both of our families' many holiday events, Drew and I had a wonderful Christmas together. In 30 hours, we celebrated in six different homes, including ours. We did our gift exchange last, and had a lovely and quiet evening together. If only I didn't have to go to work today!
besubversive: (future librarian)
In 2009, besubversive resolves to...
Drink four glasses of service every day.
Give up creating.
Ask my boss for a smut.
Go to kink every Sunday.
Learn to play the cardamom.
Spend more time with my fiberful foods.






Get your own New Year's Resolutions:


Actually, my resolutions are more like:

1. Stop feeling so scattered?
2. DO NOT ADOPT FERAL (hardly) BACK YARD KITTY. I've named it Turkey and have made an appointment for TNR (trap, neuter, release). But it's going to start snowing and then what? I don't need a pet, I don't need a pet.
3. OMG, what happened to my being good to my body? I have all but given up exercise lately, and my diet has been way too rich. Gluh. Gotta reverse that.
4. Make a friend who is a girl? A real one who I call and do girl things with, but who doesn't even remotely want to sleep with me.
5. Do something stirring and meaningful and sustaining.
6. ................................decide. I don't have infinite amounts of time to spend running in place. The future has to happen sooner or later.
7. Garden.
8. Learn more ways to prepare cruciferous vegetables because I love them.
9. Save money for family vacation next Christmas.
10. Be really good to me.

Do you know that I almost decided to never post another LiveJournal entry ever again? It was the other day, when I was realizing how glad I am that I jumped ship on all the other social networking portals a long time ago. Social? Networking? Plllbbbttt.

The YA and youth librarians looked into my future at our holiday potluck yesterday and decided that I am naturally a children's librarian. Kay, our current children's librarian, said, "I am retiring in 3 years. That's enough time for you to get your MLS, right? No pressure or anything."
besubversive: (cooking)
Thanksgiving Menu:

Turkey with Orange-Thyme Gravy
Sweet Potato Gnocchi with Maple Brown Butter Sauce
Brussel Sprouts with Chestnut Buerre Blanc
Potato and Fennel Puree With Rosemary
Canned Whole Berry Cranberry Sauce (i love canned!)
Salad of some sort
Rolls



Guest List:

My Dad
Shelly (My Stepmother)
Shelly's Mom, Sandy
Drew's Mom
Drew's Dad
Drew's Brothers
Drew's Grandparents



We need chairs.
besubversive: (takin' a memo)
Suddenly I am able to get internet at my house? A treat! Especially because I am obsessing over craigslisted furniture for the new place. You have no idea how shameless I am with the plotting and planning. It's sick, really. For instance, I have spent hours making little floorplans in Paint, with tiny, dimensionally-correct representations of my furniture to shuffle around. I have checked out decoration and organization books from the library. I've enlisted my mom to make accent pillows for a loveseat that hasn't been purchased yet. I'm sending Drew house-related text messages at work, such as "Do you think we should paint the walls a lighter color in the basement? The dark blue swallows the little light it gets," and, "I can't find a shower curtain to match the red of the towels I bought. Maybe I should return them? We could do black white and grey instead of black white and red?"

A house-warming party has tenatively been scheduled for Saturday, October 17th.
besubversive: (neko case)
Mourning, mourning, mourning still. It happens a lot and keeps me a bit tired always. We haven't spoken in ten days. That's practically a year in best friend time.

Did you know that Steve Martin, the comedian/actor, is also an accomplished banjo player?

I can't wait for this moving business to be over. I have reservations, but it's too late now to do something different.
besubversive: (skulking)
I'm going to be house- and critter-sitting for my dad and step-mom during the next two weeks. I'll be taking care of a surly Himalayan and a hutch of white bunnies. Also, I'm moving at the end of September, so this is cutting into prime packing and preparation time. But there are perks.

The Perks:

- Sweet A/C
- All the homegrown cherry and beefsteak tomatoes, yellow and red bell peppers, jalepenos, basil and mint I can pick.
- Internet access
- Cable and Comcast OnDemand
- A Wii Fit
- A kitchen that is not in disrepair or plagued with ants

When I think about everything that is changing or that needs to be done in the next two months, I wonder if I am prepared to survive it all. Especially while not speaking to my best friend. Am I strong enough? I'll have to be.
besubversive: (neko case)
News:

- I went to the Philly Folk Festival, camped in ankle-deep mud, and the lead singer of Heartless Bastards was all, "You look sunburnt, maybe you should stay out of the sun the rest of the weekend." I'd tell you more about it, but I don't have the internet at home and I'm not gonna spend my evening at work.

- My best friend has pretty much cancelled our friendship, after a lot of agonizing conversation and for reasons that kind of have to do with this next thing...

- D and I are moving in together. More for economy and necessity than because of high romance, although we'll still be dating like we are now. I have never co-habitated with someone with whom I've been in a relationship.

- I need to take my GRE's. Like, now.

- Stresssssssssss.
besubversive: (birthday cake)
Dinner last night was so lovely! We arrived at Caffe Gelato in the middle of a downpour, and were so soaked that we'd have frozen inside the restaurant. Instead, we chose to eat outside, under a large and effective awning. For apps, Tina had bruschetta and I ordered their (truly awesome) calamari. And to drink, we shared a pitcher of heavenly white sangria, brimming with peaches, strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries. Entrees were frutti de mare linguini (T) and pasta de pesce (me). Mahi mahi, yellowfin tuna, and some other kind of fish, with roasted shallots and zucchini in a sundried tomato cream sauce. By the time we ordered our dessert, I was mildly drunk and finally dry. And I brought home leftovers!

In a few minutes, I'm going to be going down to the riverfront for a Blood Bank of Delmarva 5K. When I get back from that, I'll be taking a quick shower and heading out to tube the Brandywine with Mom (and maybe her boyfriend, Doug), JD, and Drew. It's a two hour trip, and when THAT's through, it's back home for another shower. Later, I'm meeting my dad and company for a Morrocan meal served family-style at Casablanca. Tangy carrot salad! Lentils! Baklava! Bellydancers!

And the revelry is still not over, 'cause Drew is taking me to see Harry Potter tomorrow, and afterward to a place called Gumdrops and Sprinkles to buy Jelly Bellies in assorted yellow and white colors for corn-on-the-cob cupcakes I'm making for work on Monday.

Birthdays are hard work!
besubversive: (amelie turns off tv)
I was thinking about starting to consider researching the possibility of perhaps beginning to look into making some Big Life Decisions. And then on Tuesday, my roommate (who is also my landlord) told me that she's decided to try to rent out the whole house (minus me). So I'm going to be making those Big Life Decisions Sooner than expected. She has already shown the house to one couple. I'll very likely be leaving my current residence at the end of August. Six weeks.


Ready For Graduate School? Worried About Paying Rent AND Paying Tuition? You Can Only Afford One, So Why Not Try...

Big Life Decisions! (c)

Now With 100% More Moving Back In With Your Parents (Again)! That's a 245% Longer Commute! Lucky You!

Go Back To School With Our Awesome Academic Common Market Feature! Out-Of-State Learning For In-State Prices!

If You Like The Internet, You'll Love Distance Learning! Get Your MLS From Miles Away!

Comes In Two Hot Possibilities:

- University of South Florida
- Florida State University

Wow! Digital Sunshine!


I'm being kind of cynical right now because everything is changing without my consent. I prefer to feel like the mistress of my own destiny. However, this might be the push I needed to start making some forward progress in my life.
besubversive: (beard... for eli)
I saw Wilco and Conor Oberst & The Mystic River Valley Band.

Conor Oberst finally looks/sounds like a man, and not a boy. Score!

Wilco's intro music was The Price Is Right jingle.

Both bands made lots of celery jokes, for reasons too complicated to explain.

There was a lot of good beard action in the crowd. I definitely cruised for beards.

I'm turning 26 in five days. Celebrations include:

- dinner with Tina on Friday at Caffe Gelato, cuz I got a coupon, y'all
- tubing on the Brandywine River on Saturday
- making cupcakes and taking them into work on my actual birthday

And I get to open presents from Elliott tonight!
besubversive: (jetpack jesus)
I bought a hamper that is too big to fit in the space I had my old (and recently broken) hamper. This has caused me to rethink the set-up of my entire room. I have to take a break from shuffling things around because I'm dusty, thirsty, and overwhelmed.

Maybe Jetpack Jesus can help? (See icon.)
besubversive: (freaky)
It was a crazy day at the library. One of my least favorite patrons attempted to talk to me about the tattooing of breasts and genitals. Inappropriate! Also, it was the first day of the new fiscal year, and I have co-workers who would do something like bring in a cake that says "Happy Fiscal New Year!" That didn't happen, but I half-expected it to. Instead, there were mini-cookies and grapes. And a lot of policy change, mostly regarding new memberships, that went into effect. My supervisor, who is cranky, yelled at some of us library assistants for chatting about zombies and bad patrons during our off-desk time. Poor thing is frazzled over all the current and forthcoming change. I could be, but I'm not. Instead, I'm excited about being a judge for a sidewalk chalk competition at the library next week!
besubversive: (pals)
While Elliott was here, there was a Golden Girls marathon happening on TV. We tuned in for a bit and the first episode we saw was the one with Jenny Lewis as a kind of girl scout who holds Rose's teddy bear hostage. Jenny Lewis! Who we both love! Luck or magic?

Also, we were driving back from Newark and were stopped at a light. A huge and lovely butterfly flew in the window and all about Elliott's head before finding a perch in the back seat. Such things never happen to me when I'm alone!

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