besubversive: (i like processing.  word processing.)
[personal profile] besubversive
I wrote the following entry a month ago and forgot to post it. It's not 100% accurate to how I feel at the moment, but it's an important snapshot of first feelings on the subject.


So, we've been discussing an approach and a timeline for coming out to certain people about being poly. Most of our Portland friends and some of our coworkers already know. The main reasons for letting anyone else in on this knowledge are as follows:

1) Keeping non-monogamy a secret makes it seem like we KNOW we're doing something wrong or shameful, when it's an informed choice that all parties have agreed to. We need to ditch the stigma and legitimize our other partnerships. (This will mean a lot to Treasure, and will probably mean next to nothing to Brian, who doesn't seem to be interested in the social conventions of sharing much about his relationships in public forums.) We are also nervous that someone will pick up on something via social media or see us out with out other partners and jump to the conclusion that one of us is cheating on the other.

2) I would like to be able to talk to other people about our experiences with non-monogamy. Right now, I can talk to Drew about Brian, I can talk to Brian about Drew (but don't really, as Brian doesn't really ask questions about other aspects of my life that don't include him or his interests), and I can vent about things on this semi-private platform. Also, I know one other poly couple well enough to talk about relationship stuff. And more recently, I've talked about it with a friend I'm getting closer to. But mainly I want to he able to call my mom when I'm stressing, or even when I'm just happy and excited about some new development.

Any other reasons I can think of seem to fall under those two main categories.

Concerns or roadblocks include the fact that I don't want anyone in our immediate families to think that this means Drew and I are LESS serious or committed or in love with one another. I don't want them to think it invalidates our marriage or our relationship. Some of the approval of our union was hard won, with various family members debating how real or right our marriage was because of queer stuff or trans stuff or interracial stuff.

I'm hesitant to introduce more worry into my mom's already anxious mind.

Telling people also seems to solidify the end of an era, which I find myself mourning sometimes. The era of Jackie and Drew against the world.
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
Account name:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.


Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.


besubversive: (Default)

June 2017

2526 27282930 

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 23rd, 2017 09:43 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios